Well, I’m back at school now for my spring semester, sophomore year. So far it has been a pretty rough two weeks. Not only has all of these snowdays caused everyone to feel “pent up” and full of “cabin fever” but it has also created and caused a lot change.
You know, I suppose they say everything happens for a reason, well, sometimes, what happens really sucks.
Over the past two weeks I’ve been noticing three of my best friends withdraw themselves from me. They started hanging out separately, not inviting me to things, and quite frankly, be down right mean. Of course, being the 20 year old emotional girl that I am, I’ve been a wreck. I used to wake up in the morning with such a positive outlook on my life, and on the lives of others. Now I just wake up wondering when I am going to be kicked next.
You know, when I think about it, if 2/3 of those girls decided to stop being my friend that is all fine. That’s all they had to say. But the other one, well, that is what really hits home. For this other girl, Emma, was my best friend. And I kid you not when I say best friend. We were inseparable, did everything together, went everywhere together, everything about our relationship was together. She was the one person I felt most comfortable around when I needed a good laugh, a good cry, a meal buddy, a practice buddy, a clarinet buddy, and especially just a good friend. She even is going to be living in the same apartment I am next year with 2 other girls. But Emma isn’t acting like Emma right now. She has adopted new mannerisms, and new things about her in general. She is very mean, and says some things that are very hurtful towards me and others. It is not a look of her own. And I do not like it one bit at all.
So after two weeks full of tension, sub-tweets, other forms of cyber bullying, bitchy texts, glares, and many other awkward exchanges I finally bucked up the courage to say something to Emma. All she had to tell me was that she wanted to get the old group from freshman year back together and that it was time for us to grow up. Well first off I think that is totally dumb. We can’t go back to the way things were freshman year, and there is a reason why they are the way they are now. The second we started pledging our sorority, everything changed. We changed. There is a very good reason why we are not the way we were freshman year. And honestly, I don’t want to go back. Why should i give people second changes who don’t deserve them? I like to see the benefit of the doubt and the small beam of light in everyone, but there are only so many times someone can be stepped on before they move on. So in response to her proposal of “getting the gang back together” no I don’t want to. Nor should I have to.
So that brings us to Sunday, when it was time to vote on new members for our sorority.
Well obviously I can’t post what happened in the meeting, but one of the three girls I mentioned, did not get in, and since then has been taking it out on me. What I don’t understand is how something that is a 2/3 majority is singularly my own fault? Also, how does she know it was me because it wasn’t like she can know anything that happened during the meeting. The sisterhood had it’s reasons, and I stand by that choice. Just because she didn’t get what she wanted, doesn’t mean it is the right thing to do to post passive aggressive posts all over the face of the internet.
And then there is the third girl I haven’t mentioned yet. Don’t get me started on her. She is constantly looking for someone else to pick on, to kick, to cause drama with, she is never content with the way the world works.
And honestly, I feel sorry for these girls. Sorry that they will never know what happiness is like. Sorry that what they say and what they do will not break me. I have come too far in my short 20 years of life to let this stop me now. I have goals, aspirations, dreams, and I fully intend on accomplishing them. One day, I will have an absolutely fantastic teaching job, making an impact every single day on my future music students. I will continue to wake up with the intention of paying it forward every single goddamn day. I will never let the negativity take over my life like it has these past two weeks ever again. I am better than that. I am not the three of them, who feel “unfriending me” on social media is a way to say we are not friends in real life anymore. Well, you know what, while they’ve been off with themselves, I’ve made some other pretty damn good friends, that have stuck by me through all of this.
I know the worst is not over, it might not even have come yet, but I think I can handle it. “No storm can shake my inmost calm, while to that rock I’m clinging.” -How Can I Keep From Singing
I thank my lucky stars every day that I picked up an instrument when I was a kid. I do not know where i would be without music in my life. The way I feel about music, is hard to put into words. But right now, I am so incredibly thankful to have it in my life. Even though music school is tough and full of bumps and bruises and successes and disappointments, at the end of the day, I’m glad I’ve gotten where i have, and I only know there is so much more room to grow from here.
So here’s to the best semester yet, it has started out pretty rough, but like all things, time will take care of this one. All I can do for now is just look to grow stronger with those who love me unconditionally.
All my best,